


Loose Lips

by chellerrific



Category: Bleach
Genre: Broing Around, Drunkenness, F/M, Gen, Whoops Did I Say That Out Loud
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-01
Updated: 2013-08-01
Packaged: 2017-12-22 02:53:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/908047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chellerrific/pseuds/chellerrific
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nobody ever learns not to drink with Rangiku.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loose Lips

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a prompt on the [kink meme](http://bleachkinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/363.html) requesting Rangiku wrangling all the lieutenants into a night of drinking and complaining about their captains, with a side of Rukia getting talky about her relationship with Ichigo. This was fun and silly enough I thought I’d post it here.
> 
> (Go write prompts and fills, guys, it’s not exclusively sexytiemz!)

Rukia lost count of how much she’d had to drink long ago. It might have been because she wasn’t paying attention, but more likely it was because she was too drunk to manage double digits at this point.

The sake flowed generously; as always, Rangiku saw to that. How Rangiku had managed to corral all fourteen lieutenants into one bar at the same time was anybody’s guess. Even if Chojiro had bowed out early, politely stating that he was too old for the vigor of youth, it had clearly taken a small miracle. Rangiku obviously had a stash of them, perhaps hidden in her ample bosom, as when she called at his retreating back, “Off to see to the old man, huh?” he just waved over his shoulder.

Their group was large and noisy to begin with, and it only got noisier as time passed. Still, the staff was not going to kick them out; a group of thirteen lieutenants was not a group anyone wanted to cross, and, Rukia suspected, her presence as a Kuchiki doubled that sentiment.

Not that she was feeling particularly noble at the moment. She belched, loudly, earning a nod of respect from Renji, who answered with one of his own.

“I call foul, Abarai!” Shuhei declared, his voice much louder than it normally was in sober life. “You were banned from belching contests!”

“Yeah, ’cause I always win. But Rukia wasn’t here the last time we had one and she can paste me easy!”

“Hey, watch what you say, assface,” Rukia huffed. “I’m a lady!” Then she let out a belch that erased all doubts Renji might have been exaggerating.

“But,” said Marechiyo, “but you’re so tiny?”

“Dude, I can’t believe you of all people might make that mistake,” Renji said.

Marechiyo’s eyes glazed over at the thought of what his nearly-as-tiny captain was capable of. “Fair enough.”

“Hey, you guys, someone help me get more alcohol into Momo,” Rangiku commanded.

Momo held up her hands, trying to push the drink away. “Rangiku, no, I can’t, really! Captain Hirako is always rearranging the furniture and the last time you got me drunk I broke my foot!”

“Speaking of captains, why is it the one of us who needs it the most is always the one of us who drinks the least?”

Almost as one, twelve heads turned to look at Nanao. “You designated me the one who has to make your excuses tomorrow,” she said, unfazed.

“You designated yourself that,” Shuhei said.

“Besides, I’m not the one who drinks the least.” She pointed at Yachiru, who was stuffing herself with dango.

“Yeah, but she’s bingeing on sweets,” Rangiku pointed out. “That’s the Yachiru equivalent of alcohol.”

“Unless you want to get her drunk and then explain yourself to Zaraki,” Tetsuzaemon put in, looking as if nothing would please him more.

For her part, Nanao looked as if she had not heard him speak.

“Sucks to be you guys, Shuhei and I got the best captain!” Mashiro said, slinging an arm around her co-lieutenant’s shoulders and nuzzling her cheek against his.

“What’s the deal with you two anyway?” Rangiku asked. “You and Muguruma I mean. You guys doing it?”

Izuru nearly spit out his drink. “Classy as ever, Rangiku.”

“Hmm,” Mashiro said, tapping her chin thoughtfully. “What was the phrase Kensei used to describe me again?”

“The little sister he never wanted,” Shuhei supplied.

“That’s the one!” Mashiro said, nodding at Rangiku with an expression so satisfied nobody could tell if she knew she’d been insulted.

“So how do you fit into this happy little family, Shuhei?” Renji asked. “Little brother?”

“Pet!” Mashiro declared.

Shuhei’s expression told them all they needed to know about the veracity of _that_.

“Come on, come on! I want to hear more bitching about the captains!” Rangiku said, ever eager for more gossip. She looked at each of them in turn.

“I don’t think I have anything to contribute to that,” Isane said a bit delicately when Rangiku got to her. She, like all of them, knew how Rangiku could be when denied.

But this time Rangiku waved her off. “Fair enough, I feel like if I did get dirt on Unohana, she’d kill me in my sleep to keep me quiet.”

“Agreed,” nearly everyone at the table said.

“What about you and yours, Izuru? You hitting that yet?”

Izuru raised an eyebrow and didn’t respond.

“Aw, come on, I want dirty stories!” Rangiku pouted.

“I thought you wanted us to bitch about our captains,” Rukia said.

She instantly regretted drawing attention to herself.

“I’ll take either,” Rangiku said with a grin. “So your turn then. What’s going on with you and Ichigo? He sure was happy to finally see you again, I’ll bet.”

“Oh, man, I don’t want to hear this!” Renji said, putting his hands over his ears. “I have to be able to look her brother in the eye tomorrow!”

“Oh no, you’re not putting me on the spot like that,” Rukia said, holding her arms up in an x, the universal symbol for “do not want.”

“Fine, fine. But he’s got pretty big feet. Is it true about guys and big feet?”

“I’ll say,” Rukia muttered.

Most of the attention at the table was now on her, and she realized she’d spoken out loud.

“Shit,” she said, quickly abandoning thoughts of trying to backpedal. Instead she took another drink. “He’s seventeen now, it’s not weird!”

“We should have a party!” Rangiku cried.

“We are not having a sex party, Rangiku!” Rukia said, pounding a fist on the table and completely unaware of how loudly she was speaking. “Besides, it’s not like that… completely… yet.”

“That’s it, I’m taking a sick day tomorrow,” said Renji.

“Captain Kuchiki lets you take sick days?” Izuru asked.

“No, but I’m going to make sure I’m good and sick anyway so when he drags my ass out of bed I’m too hungover to make eye contact.” To make good on this promise, Renji went straight for the bottle.

“You big baby,” Rukia huffed, glad for a distraction from her own accidental admission. “Like I get weird whenever I find out about another one of your conquests! I don’t have any problem looking—”

“Aaand that’s it, you’ve had enough!” Renji took her drink from her and knocked it back himself.

“Rukia, could you finish your sentence? I’m finding this evening extremely informative,” Nemu said, somehow making her quiet voice heard over the noise.

“Yeah, Rukia, inform us!” Mashiro said, waving her arms.

“Could you all be less creepily interested in my sex life, please? Thanks.” Renji glared at them.

“Prude!” several voices chorused.

“’Scuse you assholes, but I remember what happened the last time we played Never Have I Ever,” Renji said.

“Oh! That was when you three got totally wasted and went streaking through the Seireitei!” Momo said, pointing at Renji, Izuru, and Shuhei. Then she immediately blushed, as if embarrassed she so readily remembered that detail.

“Yeah, and I was the third one out, so if we wanna throw around accusations of being a prude…” Renji gave them all pointed looks.

“Ooh, who was out first?” Mashiro asked.

“Rangiku,” everyone else said, in “what did you expect” tones.

“She drank twice as much as anyone else and was _still_ the only one not hungover the next morning,” Izuru griped.

Rangiku beamed with pride.

History more or less repeated itself when Rangiku was in a tiny minority of those not hungover the next day. It bothered Renji more that no one would admit to drawing the penis on his face, especially since it would only partially wash off.

As for Rukia, she was left to explain to Ichigo why he’d gotten so many “congrats on the almost-sex” text messages. It would have been less of a big deal, he admitted, if one of them hadn’t been from Yachiru.


End file.
